But I Raise My Glass


Today, April 14, 2018 marks the 19th anniversary of the death of Anthony Newley. As I write this, friends and fans of Tony gather in London to lift a glass celebrating his life. He was a truly unique talent – creator of musicals both for the West End and Broadway, songwriter, singer, actor, director and mime. He inspired so many young performers and writers. He inspires me.

Even with all my work and study with the dying and now the dead, I feel certain that consciousness survives death, I miss him. He died too young, robbing his family of a loving father, his friends of “someone who made you feel like the most important person in the world,” and his fans of so many more magical stories and songs he would have created. We all die with unrealized potential. He died with universes left to unfold.

The soul that was Tony Newley continues but we are no longer be able to “Look at that Face.”[1] See his hands sing. Hear that unique voice and wicked laugh. Feel the embrace his friends describe as “engulfing, the biggest bear hug in the world.” Those are gone forever.

But not Tony. Not the spirit who endured an early life of despair and privation, not only endured but then soared to the very heights of the entertainment world. And back down again. That complex and charismatic spirit discovered nineteen years ago that what we call death needs redefining. It is not annihilation as those trapped in materialism argue. It is transcendence to a different frequency, a different dimension no less real than this one, for the “real world is really unreal.”[2]

It is okay that we miss the dead but we should never dismiss them. Nor should we bind them with intense sorrow. For someone we love, it is the least we can do. So today, I raise my glass from this side of the pond, joining those who celebrate his life. And then…I continue to build the bridge where we shall meet and share and create…together. Tony built a mountain. [3] I’ll build a bridge.

[1] Song from “The Roar of the Greasepaint, The Smell of the Crowd”

[2] From the song “This Dream” from “The Roar of the Greasepaint, The Smell of the Crowd”

[3] “Gonna Build a Mountain” from the musical “Stop the World, I Want to Get Off”

From the other side death appears as the light-filled beginning of experience of the Spirit

As I continue work on my book, I will send along thoughts about death and our connection to the so-called dead. So, in that spirit…

Imagine how life on earth might change should this truth be fully embraced? What choices would we make? What fears would drop away? And taken a step further…what might we accomplish by extending our hands to those of the so-called dead? It’s time to find out.

The great Rudolf Steiner Quotes Site

From this side of life, death appears to be a dissolution, something in face of which the human being has a ready fear and dread. From the other side, death appears as the light-filled beginning of experience of the Spirit, as that which spreads a sun-radiance over the whole of the subsequent life between death and a new birth; as that which most of all warms the soul through with joy in the life between death and a new birth. The moment of death is something that is looked back upon with a deep sense of blessing. Described in earthly terms: the moment of death, viewed from the other side, is the most joyful, the most enrapturing point in the life between death and a new birth.

Source: Rudolf Steiner – GA 161 – The Problem of Death I– Dornach, February 5, 1915

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The life of the dead plays into the life of the so-called living in many ways

After studying so much of Steiner’s work, I’ve felt myself let go…of all teaching…and discover a pure “beingness” with the dead. It is now a matter of listening deeply and trusting this “living feeling of being together with the dead.” I’m writing a book now to share what I am finding. I hope it will serve.

The great Rudolf Steiner Quotes Site

We are only separated from the so-called dead through the fact that we are not in a position to perceive with our ordinary consciousness how the forces of the dead, the life of the dead, the actions of the dead, play into our own life. These forces, these actions of the dead, continually permeate the life of our feeling and the life of our will. Therefore we can live with the dead. And it is indeed important to realize at the present time that the task of Anthroposophy is to develop this consciousness — that we are in touch with the souls of the dead.

The earth will not continue to evolve in the direction of the welfare of humanity unless humanity develops this living feeling of being together with the dead. For the life of the dead plays into the life of the so-called living in many ways.


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Listening Deeply


I wanted to check in after being silent for some time. It’s not that I haven’t been writing but my focus has shifted to a possible book. It is predicated upon all the work that I did first in death midwifery and now with the Community of Spirits. The idea ignited right around the winter solstice and has been going like gangbusters since. It is a project that, if it comes to fruition, will take a long time…so I wanted to check in and just connect with you.

I won’t speak of the topic. When I was a member of a Western Mystery school, when inspiration is hot, it is suggested to keep the vessel, the inspiration, tightly sealed, keeping things hot, holding the tension, allowing no leakage and therefore no weakening of the inspiration during the creative process. Writing is a fragile thing: it needs protection during its earlier stages. So I hope you will understand.

However, I would like to comment on something I am discovering about this particular process. In my journey to cross the threshold to the world of the “so-called living and the so-called dead” as Rudolf Steiner would language it, I have experimented with many different techniques: mediumship, the psychomanteum, the use of various brainwave entrainment music and various deep states of meditation. I’ve learned something from all of them.

Yet now…I find myself leaving all that behind and just sitting very silently and regularly, breathing deeply…and….listening. Just…listening. Then trusting what comes to me as having value. The source of this information, this dialogue? I am not sure. I do not know if I will reach a place when I do know for sure. Or perhaps the best attitude to take is that of a true skeptic as Dr. Raymond Moody would suggest. He told me that the classical skeptic never reaches a conclusion for to do that closes yourself off from any other possibilities. With your eye firmly on a conclusion you ignore your peripheral vision and therefore can miss miraculous things. That would be a great loss.

So…quietly I sit…listening more and more deeply as I sink down layer upon layer of…what? Mind stuff? The Higher Self? The Enlightened Dead? Yes to all? No to all? It is far too early in the process for me to tell if I ever will. But one thing I know is this: when I reach that place of connection with whatever this is, and we converse…it feels so beautiful…so loving…so safe. So…I must trust that there is purpose to this venture, that it will in some way serve.

I wanted to share that in the hopes that even this little bit of discovery might serve you…and just to connect with you for a bit…you who choose to read my little ramblings.

Thank you.


Christmas Eve Day


Oh this Christmas Eve Day…my heart is full of all my loves no longer on this earth. I feel you surrounding me and I want you to know how each and every one of you matter. You mattered then, you matter now, you will always matter. You are always loved. You are never forgotten.

Yes there were times I broke your heart and you broke mine. We are, on earth at least, so imperfect, such fragile beings stumbling around. But from your higher perspective, I imagine you at least can glimpse how every bungle, every tiff had its purpose, taught its lesson and helped us to grow, albeit sometimes kicking and screaming.

Some of you inspired from a distance but of course we know distance, as space and time, are merely constructs to give our wanderings some bearings.

Feel me holding you, warming you with color and sound and laughter and tears…feeding you sweet memories of soft nights and bright days. Drink your fill this day, this night for I feel you ever so close, I feel you inside of me.

Mom, dad, Larry, Roger, Pepper, Gower, Michael, Shannon, Dennis, Jeff, Charles, Robert, Timothy, Gus, Michael, Danny, Betsy, there are too many to name please know I haven’t forgotten you…Maggie, Cinder, Neal, Francine, Twiggy, Ginger, Muppet, Valentino, yes, even you John…and always dearest Anthony…During this feast of Lights…know I see your Light that one day I might follow. It’s a simple slip from “here” to “there” as it is all truly here.

I cannot say it any better than Merry Christmas my loves. Merry Christmas.


Can an Adoring Fan Ever Communicate with Anthony Newley’s Spirit and Find True Contentment?


Something rather…odd…happened to me this past week or so. Watching the recent Barbra Streisand concert on Netflix, I was transfixed as she sang a duet with Anthony Newley. Now, sadly, Anthony has been dead since 1999 so his part of the performance was projected upon the screen behind her while Barbra sang “Who Can I Turn To?” from The Roar of the Grease Paint, The Smell of the Crowd.

I was floored, truly struck dumb. A dead man totally upstaged perhaps the greatest living female singer today. Anthony Newley inspired me to pursue a career in theatre and I was always an adoring fan. I never had the honor of working with him, never even had seen this clip of his appearance on the Ed Sullivan show but as I watched I felt time bending…and back I was…feeling the feelings his voice, his talent, his creativity stirred in me as a young girl.

I found the entire clip on YouTube…watching it over and over again, tears streaming down my face, for this performance, to me, is pure genius, pure artistry. One could put a picture frame around it as an example of what a musical artist strives for. And I realized not only what a profound influence Newley had on me as a performer…but I could feel right into the space he was in while he was performing that piece. I know that space. I have been there and was there again now, with him, in this space beyond time.

So moved by his work as actor, singer, composer, lyricist, director…on and on and on…I could not sleep. And thanks to YouTube, I am now able to see so many performances of his I missed while pursuing my own career.

Now here is the thing. If I embrace Rudolf Steiner’s theory of life in the afterworld world, I cannot connect with Mr. Newley now or when I cross over as I did not have a personal relationship with him. (Though perhaps I have known him in another life…but…that I do not know). If I understand Steiner correctly, stressing the “if”, then I must disagree. When one connects with an artist, any type of artist, with his work, heart to heart, breath to breath, soul to soul connects; I simply cannot believe there is no possibility of our connecting in the afterlife; that this almost sacred connection crumbled to dust on the day he died. Certainly my prayers for his safe journey in the Light ease his travels. Certainly my strongest wish that Anthony knows absolutely knows, how much he was loved, how much joy he brought to so many people he never met, that his life mattered to so many more than he could possibly imagine helps him to “cool all heat and warm all cold.” But having a relationship with him now? Impossible? That I cannot believe.

So being a spiritual scientist, I am experimenting…building a bridge…piece by piece…a bridge to communicate in some way…these thoughts, these prayers, this love…to him…and to actually have a conversation. Honestly, I imagine he is a bit amused that there is something beyond death, as from what I can gather (I may be wrong), he was not convinced there was a “God” let alone a kind one.  And since I do believe in an ultimately kind Divine Consciousness…I must trust this can happen. It must.

It will be three years that I have been on this journey to cross the bridge between the dimension we inhabit and the one where our “so-called” dead reside. I’ve worked at length with Rudolf Steiner’s material, with the study of mediumship, with Dr. Raymond Moody, studying the thoughts of the ancient Greek philosophers on death and the afterlife, and the art of nonsense as a possible bridge to the world beyond death, and his psychomanteum…dabbled briefly, at this point, with remote viewing. But can I truly say I have built that bridge…crossed that bridge successfully? I am not sure. Some brief glimpses maybe.

Perhaps I am just not gifted with this ability…or perhaps it is not my destiny…or maybe it will just continue to be an arduous journey for me. I will go on experimenting but…there may not be a lot of blog posts. Something is changing within me and I don’t know exactly what that is or where it will lead. I am being drawn to something and in order to be true to the Self, I must follow.

Sending you all the greatest wishes for a Happy Solstice, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year. And Tony…if you can, if you wish to, listen for me. Know you are loved. Safe travels in the Light.


Advice after the death of Anna Wagner

Some suggestions for aiding those we love who have crossed over.

The great Rudolf Steiner Quotes Site

On December 31, 1905, Rudolf Steiner wrote to his esoteric pupil Paula Stryczek,  who had turned to him for advice after the death of Anna Wagner (1847-1905):

Dear Miss Stryczek,

Let me say this to you on the occasion of this unhappy event.

When a person dear to us crosses into the other worlds, it is especially important to send our thoughts and feelings without in any way giving the impression that we want her back, which would make life difficult for her in the new spheres she is entering.  What we would send into her worlds is not our own sorrow, but our love for her. Don’t misunderstand me; I do not mean that we must be hardened or indifferent.  But it should be possible for us to look toward the dead person and think, “May my love accompany you and surround you.”  According to my insights, such feelings…

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