Christmas Eve Day


Oh this Christmas Eve Day…my heart is full of all my loves no longer on this earth. I feel you surrounding me and I want you to know how each and every one of you matter. You mattered then, you matter now, you will always matter. You are always loved. You are never forgotten.

Yes there were times I broke your heart and you broke mine. We are, on earth at least, so imperfect, such fragile beings stumbling around. But from your higher perspective, I imagine you at least can glimpse how every bungle, every tiff had its purpose, taught its lesson and helped us to grow, albeit sometimes kicking and screaming.

Some of you inspired from a distance but of course we know distance, as space and time, are merely constructs to give our wanderings some bearings.

Feel me holding you, warming you with color and sound and laughter and tears…feeding you sweet memories of soft nights and bright days. Drink your fill this day, this night for I feel you ever so close, I feel you inside of me.

Mom, dad, Larry, Roger, Pepper, Gower, Michael, Shannon, Dennis, Jeff, Charles, Robert, Timothy, Gus, Michael, Danny, Betsy, there are too many to name please know I haven’t forgotten you…Maggie, Cinder, Neal, Francine, Twiggy, Ginger, Muppet, Valentino, yes, even you John…and always dearest Anthony…During this feast of Lights…know I see your Light that one day I might follow. It’s a simple slip from “here” to “there” as it is all truly here.

I cannot say it any better than Merry Christmas my loves. Merry Christmas.


Can an Adoring Fan Ever Communicate with Anthony Newley’s Spirit and Find True Contentment?


Something rather…odd…happened to me this past week or so. Watching the recent Barbra Streisand concert on Netflix, I was transfixed as she sang a duet with Anthony Newley. Now, sadly, Anthony has been dead since 1999 so his part of the performance was projected upon the screen behind her while Barbra sang “Who Can I Turn To?” from The Roar of the Grease Paint, The Smell of the Crowd.

I was floored, truly struck dumb. A dead man totally upstaged perhaps the greatest living female singer today. Anthony Newley inspired me to pursue a career in theatre and I was always an adoring fan. I never had the honor of working with him, never even had seen this clip of his appearance on the Ed Sullivan show but as I watched I felt time bending…and back I was…feeling the feelings his voice, his talent, his creativity stirred in me as a young girl.

I found the entire clip on YouTube…watching it over and over again, tears streaming down my face, for this performance, to me, is pure genius, pure artistry. One could put a picture frame around it as an example of what a musical artist strives for. And I realized not only what a profound influence Newley had on me as a performer…but I could feel right into the space he was in while he was performing that piece. I know that space. I have been there and was there again now, with him, in this space beyond time.

So moved by his work as actor, singer, composer, lyricist, director…on and on and on…I could not sleep. And thanks to YouTube, I am now able to see so many performances of his I missed while pursuing my own career.

Now here is the thing. If I embrace Rudolf Steiner’s theory of life in the afterworld world, I cannot connect with Mr. Newley now or when I cross over as I did not have a personal relationship with him. (Though perhaps I have known him in another life…but…that I do not know). If I understand Steiner correctly, stressing the “if”, then I must disagree. When one connects with an artist, any type of artist, with his work, heart to heart, breath to breath, soul to soul connects; I simply cannot believe there is no possibility of our connecting in the afterlife; that this almost sacred connection crumbled to dust on the day he died. Certainly my prayers for his safe journey in the Light ease his travels. Certainly my strongest wish that Anthony knows absolutely knows, how much he was loved, how much joy he brought to so many people he never met, that his life mattered to so many more than he could possibly imagine helps him to “cool all heat and warm all cold.” But having a relationship with him now? Impossible? That I cannot believe.

So being a spiritual scientist, I am experimenting…building a bridge…piece by piece…a bridge to communicate in some way…these thoughts, these prayers, this love…to him…and to actually have a conversation. Honestly, I imagine he is a bit amused that there is something beyond death, as from what I can gather (I may be wrong), he was not convinced there was a “God” let alone a kind one.  And since I do believe in an ultimately kind Divine Consciousness…I must trust this can happen. It must.

It will be three years that I have been on this journey to cross the bridge between the dimension we inhabit and the one where our “so-called” dead reside. I’ve worked at length with Rudolf Steiner’s material, with the study of mediumship, with Dr. Raymond Moody, studying the thoughts of the ancient Greek philosophers on death and the afterlife, and the art of nonsense as a possible bridge to the world beyond death, and his psychomanteum…dabbled briefly, at this point, with remote viewing. But can I truly say I have built that bridge…crossed that bridge successfully? I am not sure. Some brief glimpses maybe.

Perhaps I am just not gifted with this ability…or perhaps it is not my destiny…or maybe it will just continue to be an arduous journey for me. I will go on experimenting but…there may not be a lot of blog posts. Something is changing within me and I don’t know exactly what that is or where it will lead. I am being drawn to something and in order to be true to the Self, I must follow.

Sending you all the greatest wishes for a Happy Solstice, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year. And Tony…if you can, if you wish to, listen for me. Know you are loved. Safe travels in the Light.